NICU PTST

I finally managed to write an article about my daughter Sofia. She was in the hospital for over two months when she was born. The entire experience was heartbreaking. I know most parents of premature babies suffer some sort of PTSD. I just didn't expect to be one of them. I have three healthy, happy children and so much to be thankful for. I'm not sure why it is so painful to think about the girls in the NICU. I think in some ways I feel cheated. I waited so long to have children. I didn't get the excitement of taking a pregnancy test in the privacy of my own bathroom. Instead, I was in a cold, sterile room in a clinic with a doctor holding my husband's sperm in a tiny container. IVF was such a huge blessing and the end of a bleak time in my life. It was a new beginning. It is terrible how sometimes we can forget how badly we wanted something. The journey of having children was so difficult for us that I almost forgot to catch my breath when I finally found out I was pregnant. I went through a terrible phase of "why me" when the girls were born early. I can look back now and see how far we have come. Sofia's Story of Survival

A milestone

My daughters just got over their first cold. I take a deep breath and try to swallow the lump in my throat. They will never know how big of a milestone this was for us. This time last year my daughters were still on apnea monitors. My Sofia spent 64 days in the hospital with severe apnea. She was perfectly healthy except for the fact that she would forget to breath while she was sleeping or sometimes while she was eating. Her heart rate would drop as mine nearly beat out of my chest. Our doctor warned us that if either child caught the slightest cold she would immediately admit them to the hospital. We couldn't survive another stay in the hospital. It had taken us so long to get both girls home. I missed my Sofia so much when we had to kiss her good night and leave her there in such a strange place. It was not the way a child should start out in life. Instead of the warmth of my arms and the reasurance of her sisters touch she had become accustomed to the beeps, alarms and hospital lights. My life quickly became one of solitary confinement. Day in and day out I cared for my beutiful daughters with out leaving our home for fear that I would catch something and give it to them. My husband constantly washed his hands and worried that he would expose us to something he had been in contact with at work. It was hard and lonely but we survived. Fast forward to today. My husband was on shift while my two little girls ran around with runny noses with out a care in the world. I'm so thankful for Gods everlasting presence in our life.